Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Coming into Parenthood

It seems like confusion strikes during the holidays, especially throwing into the mix a new baby girl and families with different beliefs. It doesn't make it easier when we are trying to find our own way while attempting to please everyone; this is impossible and not fair to anyone. Well, I guess what really counts is that Kelli and myself are really thinking hard about what we believe, especially to establish a foundation for Sam. While it is important for Kelli and me to consider all our loved ones beliefs and traditions, we have realized lately that it is even more important that we form traditions and beliefs of our own. When the time comes we will explain to Sam why we don't celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, or whatever, but we will celebrate our family days. The main reason why we don't feel attached to the previous mentioned holidays is the growing pressure to celebrate or not celebrate them from every angle, including family. We are trying to find our own path and don't want our path chosen for us. We believe the holidays have lost their luster because it no longer feels like it is family oriented and more emphasis is placed on the gifts and traditions themselves. We don't truly understand the root of someone telling us to celebrate the joys in our life on certain days when we should emphasize our families and loved ones every day.

My definition of the "Holidays"
Hanging lights with my dad
seeing the joy of giving in Gram G's eyes
realizing at a young age how blessed I really am


Kelli and I wish to establish our focus on our family. Don't get us wrong it is great to receive and give gifts. We think it would be better to give all year long not waiting for those days defined by others. For now, we think a tradition we will begin will be escaping the current December traditions by going to a condo in the mountains and concentrating on family. Of course we welcome and encourage everyone to join us. Just so there isn't any confusion, we will all be making our own plans and accommodations to alleviate any stress.

We love family and the participation that each of our family desires, especially with Sam. Please help us as we work through our new parenting decisions. Openness is our strongest ally.

Lately I've felt added pressure on myself because I have a hard time saying 'no' and want to please everyone. This brought to my attention even more that my focus must be on our new family and that may mean saying 'no' and possibly disappointing family. This could be viewed as a weakness or strength and reflects on how much I love you all but most importantly my wife and child must come first.



  1. Wow, now I understand why I could not sleep and felt compelled to go to the computer. Of course, we will respect your decisions as the Abba of your family!!! We may not always be on the same page but I can live with that if we ALWAYS keep the communication alive.
    So, thank you for being so honest and loving with your thoughts. You know me, I love honesty done in love.

    mom, grandma

  2. Yes, Christmas is very commercialized and I hate that and do not buy gifts just because it is Christmas or any holiday as it has gotten so out of hand, but I buy out of love for you and Sammi and Sadie. You know this anyway. I have the Christmas tree up because of the special ornaments, some from the boys growing up and some that my Mom and friends have given to us and this is our tradition and to go to Mass and celebrate Mom's birthday along with the birthday of Jesus and have good food and visiting with you and friends. Granted it would be easier not to put up decorations and then take them down, but it is a special time and having Sammi here made it even more special as babies have a way of doing. I wish that people could get along with all the traditions and cultures that we all share, but probably won't happen because of human nature. Christmas brings hope that maybe there could be peace in all of us, even for just one day.

    We of course will abide by what your wishes are for Christmas or anytime. We are grateful for your honesty and conversing your hopes and dreams for each other and Sammi with us. We love you all so very much and I hope this makes some sense as I am not as good as you are with saying what I mean. It takes me longer.

  3. A.J. It is a special thing when a man can openly and honestly express his feelings and beliefs. I am pleased to see you take a leadership role in your family. I am honored to have you as a son-in-law to lead my daughter and grandaughter through life.



Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.